I came upon a helpful tool for diagnosing why I sometimes do things that logically seem to be against my best interests. Odds are, you are probably doing it too without even knowing it.
The concept
The concept is “negative gain.” It is the positive reinforcement that one gets for doing behaviors that have negative results.
It is easier to make the changes you want once you are aware of what you get out of being the way you are. This is called the ‘negative gain’. It is what we give ourselves for unconsciously not choosing to be or do what we want out of fear of failing.
A negative gain provides a temporary compensation – a kind of second best – for finding an excuse not to do what we want to do, because our fear prevents us. Negative gains are false friends, because they seem to make us feel better in the short term, but turn out to be a sham as we realise we are failing to make things better for ourself.
We even feel worse when we keep on using the same old mechanisms of avoidance. Negative gains are different from 'rewards’ where we have chosen to be or do what we want. Examining some typical negative gains should make the concept clear…